Sunday, March 11, 2012

If I could go back in time...

I have to be held accountable even if no one reads it I have to be able to face myself and hold myself accountable. I have “fallen” off the bandwagon I have started to eat sugar, I feel terrible after I do it and yet I just cannot stop myself. What in the world is wrong with me!#*&^! I know that it is wrong but how do I stop. I feel like I have put myself in prison!!!!! There are all these things that surround me that sound so good and everything is caving in on me!!!! I have expectation of myself. Monkey had this idea that I start a stamp chart for myself every day I do not eat sugar I get a sticker if I eat sugar I lose a sticker. I think I might do this…. After thirty days I get a new outfit maybe….. in a smaller size maybe… What do you think?
I have come to realize this about myself I need to compete with me! I need to learn to support myself in my own desires. It is like I am walking towards something in my dreams and instead of reaching it I allow it to fade away and go back to being an “unattainable dream” I used to be this brat nose girl who didn’t understand what the word unattainable meant , if I wanted it I set out and did what I needed too, to achieve what I wanted. If I were able to talk to my past self I would kick my own but for letting myself get in the way. When I was younger there was no fear. I just did what I needed to do get it done. If I failed I didn’t get hurt about and distracted I tried something else.
Now I just need to follow my younger versions advice. Just get it done do not complain, and find a way. There is no longer anytime for self-pity your dream is reachable tomorrow. Stand up and be the woman you want your daughter to emulate; and do it today!

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